Monday, September 5, 2011

Self-Image and Derby

In the time since I started skating for derby, I've noticed that that my vision of myself has changed quite a bit. Last year, I was particularly self-conscious and felt like a squishy old fat kid. Now I'm still fairly self-conscious, something that will probably never change. But most days, I am dying to show off my legs, which I have toned by skating 10 hours a week. My waist has gone down about five inches—and did you know there are muscles under tummy fat? When I gained weight after college, my bra size went up. Now it's back down, but most of the time I don't care. I'm happy to wear tights, tank tops and buttcheek-baring booty shorts, something I never would have done even when I was 18 years old.

Photo by Shaun Ferguson

What's really great is that it just keeps getting better! In the first few months, I lost about 15 pounds. Now a couple have come back, but I'm in the best shape of my life and I feel really strong for the first time in years. I'm only 5'4" and I'll never be skinny, but I love my curves more and more every day. When someone stopped me to compliment my calves during a break of a derby game, I almost cried out of pride.

My derby sisters and brothers agree, it's not about being anyone's idea of "hot." It's about knowing that we've pushed ourselves and earned these bodies.

(Expletive Deleted) #80085: I'm no more self-confident. Just more self-accepting of my awkwardness and louder about my boobs.

Martha ScrewIT #3.14: Derby has made me appreciate my body for what it can do. My thighs aren't too big anymore. They are powerful and help me to skate. My ass isn't too big anymore. It is just the right size for slowing down other skaters. I no longer wish I was the skinny girl. I love every curve that I have. Especially when they are wrapped in fishnets. ;)

Edith MyFist #J9: I used to think I couldn't wear short skirts because of my very large muscular thighs. I thought it made me look fat or something. They are even more muscular now and I will wear skirts that make them pop. Derby has shown me that your body is just that. Your body. You can't measure it against anyone else's because it is different. Every different size has it's purpose and can be extremely sexy. I have never looked at a girl in derby and thought, "Oh no, she shouldn't be wearing that." Nobody thinks that.

Photo by Brandi Wilson, Firebranded Photography

Haute Fuzz #38C: I used to be a very conservative-dressed lady ... dressed like a granny in my 20s. But when I joined derby, that changed. I would not cringe at the thought of putting on things that I would never imagine myself wearing. I would hold my shoulders up, pop the chest out, suck that tummy in, and feel good about what I wore. I feel good about myself and how look because of derby. I have strong legs, and an ass that anyone would want to have or to spank. And the boobs. Can't forget the boobs. Best assets come from the exercise and conditioning that derby gives you. And you are empowered because you are not alone in what you wear or how you dress. You have other women beside you, competing for the best derby garb.

Tobi Feared #27: I am more self-confident than I have ever been because of derby. The feeling you get when you are driving home from practice... or from a game—you are sweaty and amped up! You feel like you can do anything and you thank your body—your body that can do so much more than you ever imagined! Negative thoughts about your body are no more… you are proud of it! That's the best!

Elle Maldito #666: Derby has given me a reason to want to be successful in life, to leave the house, and to have a social life. It has inspired me to become healthy and take care of my body. I have become somewhat competitive, gained ambition, and am slowly becoming the athlete I have always wanted to be. I have become friends with so many wonderful women and men that I might not have known otherwise. I can interact with people and not be so shy. I am confident in myself and my abilities. I wear my clothing with pride. And in general have gained a lust for life. I was in such a bad headspace before, and I didn't really know how to interact with new people or in new situations. All of that has changed. Thanks, derby! Also, because I am exercising more, my hair has become a lot healthier and more amazing!

Sir Rink Pain (Ref): Skating with DGD and the level of encouragement I have gotten from everyone changed things in me I wasn't sure were possible. I used to stand infront of a class full of people I had known for a year to give a presentation and would shake, sweat, stumble and all be an all around nervous wreck. My level of confidence has gone up, and I now, obviously, have little issue in talking infront of a huge group of people. And the weight loss has made me feel better about myself, too,—30 pounds in eight months, just by skating and counting calories.

1 comment:

Ashley P. said...

I love this post so much. I can't wait until I'm a strong bitch, too! : )